The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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