I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
