His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
