bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Did I show you my penis last night?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
