I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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