Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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