so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
