hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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