I just made out with a guy for $7.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
