mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
