if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
