just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
