good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
