i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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