I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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