two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
