It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
