SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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