the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
