how can u be prego again
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
