Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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