Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
