I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
