she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
