that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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