I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
