New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
