It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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