i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
