Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
