you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I want her autograph on my taint
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize