i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize