my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
