8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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