All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
