i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
