Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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