You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
