Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
