i think my mom watched the whole time
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
