last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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