ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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