$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
