My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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