who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
These tits shall not be calmed
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
