Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
