That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
