He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
