after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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