Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
