He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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