Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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