Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the day after is always just damage control
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
