Soap is not a condiment
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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