True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
