mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
