I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
