I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
