you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
