It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Pants are for mortals
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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