Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
