maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
