His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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