so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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