So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize