dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
