the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
