He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
