Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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