How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
