All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
