Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
