would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
