I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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