a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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