Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
