Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
