Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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